This week’s Friday Robots were partly inspired by this (unused) cover art for the Steven Soderbergh film CHE:
NEXT WEEK: Friday Robots teach you that nationalized health care is good for you, good for doctors, yet bad for huge conglomerates.

I tend to keep papers. Receipts, movie stubs, photos and illustrations from magazines, and of course funny things I’ve photocopied from books. Which makes sense: if you’re going to keep things, why not keep lightweight and information-packed things? At least, that’s what I say to myself when I look at my files full of random bits of paper. Someday they’ll all come in useful.

Today, one of those scraps of paper has indeed made itself useful. It is a penitential flowchart on when you can and, more importantly, when you can’t have sex with your partner.

I couldn’t remember exactly where I got this; fortunately the internet exists to answer exactly these type of questions. First of all, penitents are lists of sins and the penances prescribed for them. Penitents were used in Medieval times first in Ireland, where sin is everywhere, then spread to England because they’re a bunch of sinners as well. In this particular case, the flowchart doesn’t list the specific penance, but it would have been either prayer or cash payment to the Church. Or both!

As a Jew I find this chart silly and hilarious, but back in the day Christians hung this in their homes, right above the bed. Which just goes to show, one man’s religion is another man’s laugh riot.*

*Don’t even get me started on the weird things about Judaism. See: any Woody Allen movie.

This poster for Falling Rock was inspired by WPA posters for various national parks. They either had the words “COME SEE” or “SEE AMERICA” printed on them, a beckoning for Americans to visit their beautiful natural wonders.

Unfortunately you can’t physically visit Falling Rock National Park, but you can always see new dispatches from that park at my website. Falling Rock exists in the minds of all its readers, so let’s make it grow, huh?

Oh, and why doesn’t Obama bring back the Works Progress Administration? We need to realize there’s nothing wrong with paying artists to make art.

Last week our partner blogger McBone outlined a miracle diet that would guarantee a physique rivaling that of a Greek God.

Countless scientific studies have proven that eating the right food can make you healthy, and even keep you alive. But scientists also know that food alone cannot make you fit.

Are you sick of being so rail thin that girls can see right through you to better looking men? Or so chubby that children mistake you for a beach ball? Don’t let your insecurities hold you back any longer!

Falling Rock presents the Military Preparedness Exercise Regime (FRMPER for short). You don’t actually have to enlist in the marines when you’re done with this regime, but you could.

It’s so simple, even a moron could follow these directions!

When you wake up, do thirty squats before leaving the bed. Change into comfortable clothing. It’s important to dress appropriately for exercise.

Now do a quick 2.4 mile swim in the ocean, a refreshing 112 mile bike ride, and finish off your set with a 26.2 mile run. You’ll feel like Robert Downey Jr. in that movie nobody can remember the name of.

Every day you’ll feel yourself getting stronger, with all the extra confidence that goes along with it. Falling Rock guarantees you’ll be a muscled man-wich by the end of the month. Girls will be flocking to you (or boys, if you swing that way). You’ll never get picked last for the softball team, that’s for sure!

Get on the FRMPER and get into shape!*

*Starting a new exercise routine can cause unwanted health effects such as heart attack, stroke, high blood pressure, tinnitus, blood in stool, hypothermia, hallucinations, and even death. Consult your doctor before starting a new routine.

I’ve been working on painting this sunset I saw in Arizona, but when I scanned it in for Friday Robots I ended up making it look more like the ocean. I still like it, though.