Blog reviews

why don’t they just blow up Michael Bay?

Falling Rock National Blog formally commends Entertainment Weekly. Last week, they published a fine piece of journalism on the horrific horrors perpetuated upon the public by ersatz director Michael Bay.transformers-entertainment-weekly

While I absolutely refuse to see the latest abomination of my childhood heroes (the Autobots, duh), Entertainment Weekly has done a fine job of showing me exactly what I’m missing. They go one further than boilerplate review, however. They list exactly what is extraneous about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and suggest edits that would improve the movie.

Why didn’t the editors, Roger Barton, Tom Muldoon, Joel Negron, and Paul Rubell, do their job before the movie hit theaters? Why does the American public have to sit through fart jokes for almost three hours when all they want is hot robot-on-robot action? Why won’t Megan Fox eat a burrito, for chrissakes? These are all questions somebody, for the love of god, should have asked Michael Bay before he was allowed to put this monstrosity onto film.

Some guy at Industrial Light & Magic sat for weeks at his computer meticulously animating Optimus Prime pretending to take a leak on the Eiffel Tower. This is the same guy who animated Iron Man. This is the same company that made dinosaurs walk among us. Do you see the wasted potential here? Does it make you as crazy as it makes me??

I take Entertainment Weekly up on their offer but suggest one better: cut Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen down to twenty minutes, remove all the humans, and air it at 7AM on Saturdays. That’s the way Transformers is supposed to be. They save the world while you eat your Honey Nut Cheerios.

Death to Michael Bay. Long live Optimus Prime.

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