vital stats

The following statistics were compiled as part of the Worldwide Blogging Census. What follows is for International Blogging Commission use only.

Age: 29

Glasses: Yes

Braces: 5 years

Cavities: 0

Broken Bones: 2

Vegetarian: Yes, except for veal and sea turtle meat

Blogging nemesis: Unknown

Comics drawn to date: 1518

Beat Super Mario Bros. at age: 10

Beat Super Mario Bros. 2 at age: 19

Animals brought back from extinction: Moa, Velociraptor

Foreign language fluency: Kryptonian, Irish

Batman or Superman: Batman

Nerdiness quotient: 89

High school popularity rating: 13%

Total girlfriends: 8

Imaginary girlfriends: 8

Crushes: 42

Wives: 1

Number of people likely to attend funeral: 409

Number of celebrities at funeral: 12

Friends: 2,987

Facebook friends: 2,980

Half court basketball shots made: 0

Framed for murder: 1

Shot a man in Reno: 1

Tattoos: 0

Tattoos designed for others: 1

Lifetime average hourly salary: $5.15

Percent chances of dying from brain tumor due to cell phone use: 74%

Most likely cause of death: ennui

Awards or Honors: Voted “King Tuna” at the Gilbert, Arizona Tuna Fish Festival (1996), 3rd Place in National Stock Market Game (7th grade), Got Out of Physical Education For Half a Year (7th grade)

Discussion (3)¬

  1. Nate and Jeff Bowler, Co-Captains says:

    Nice to see an old post dusted off and put to hilarious good use.

    You forgot to mention your uncontrollable lust for Rocky Mountain oysters and California condor-ke-bobs.


  2. Slider K. Shaftacular says:

    I think you could safely assume that the guy who sat in the front row of Scottish history class has a blog. He could be your nemesis.

  3. Kid Shay says:

    nwb – There are glaring omissions, aren't there. Gotta save something for the sequel.

    slider – My God, you're right. We need to find that guy before he finds us.