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valentine’s day

family monster 2-23-2005

Today is a special day. In some cultures it is known as “The Day of The Beating Heart,” in which village elders rip the living heart out of a bear. They then pass the heart around in a circle. Whoever holds the heart when it stops beating is prophesied to die within the year.

In American culture, February 14th is Valentine’s Day. Today (or probably last Friday, since today’s not a school day) schoolchildren pass out hearty shiny cards to all their classmates. You find out if anyone has a secret crush on you. When you realize nobody does, you get to spend the rest of the day in the nurse’s office pretending you have strep throat.

It’s hard to decide which culture has the worse tradition.

This year, I want to put a stop to all the horrible heartbreak. I’m making this post a love note to all my readers. Not in a gross way. Thank you, dear readers, for putting up with this blogger. You inject my heart with steroids that make it swell against my rib cage.

If one of my readers happens to be Chan Marshall, please go here. If one of my readers happens to be Rachel McAdams, please go here. And if one of my readers happens to be Rashida Jones, well, this video’s for you:

3 replies on “valentine’s day”

Personally, I'd prefer the gore of Day of the Beating Heart to the tormenting fear as a child that I was not loved and would never be.


The episode of The Simpsons I posted above (or at least the snippet) is probably the best Valentine's story ever told. There's a bit of Ralph Wiggum in all of us.

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