Barack Obama doesn’t like to wear ties. This shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone watching the election cycle over the last two years. Sure, he’ll put one on for a debate or for a Rolling Stone cover. He may wear one when his daughters eventually graduate. But I can tell you right now, he doesn’t like it. Not one bit.
Barack Obama is the leader of the Free World, and he doesn’t have to wear a tie if he doesn’t want to. I, for one, stand and applaud such a man. For it takes a man, a real man, to stand up to tradition, the status quo, and say, “Ties look stupid.” Because they do. They look real stupid.
Think about it this way: women will put on make-up, have hair removed with lasers, spend time having their hair cut, curled, straightened, colored, glossed, gussied up. These things take time and energy, but ultimately the woman does them with a goal in mind. She wants to achieve a certain look. Men generally don’t do these things, because we are naturally awesome and don’t need cosmetics for women to fall all over each other in pursuit of us.
No no no. Seriously, men don’t do as much, so what we do should be especially meaningful. Any accessory we deem to wear should make us look extraordinarily better. A tie doesn’t do this.
A woman on her wedding day looks beautiful. A man with a tie looks like a man with a dead fish hanging from his neck.
A woman who has matched her purse with her outfit is subtle. A man with a tie looks like there’s a big arrow pointing at his crotch.
I think you see my point. Barack Obama knows this, and my Hope is that he will do for the tie what John F. Kennedy did for the hat: make it go extinct. It is my great wish that future generations will look at pictures of men in ties and exclaim to their grandfathers, “They made you wear that?!” with glee. Please, Mr. President Elect, don’t make us suffer any longer. The noose hangs heavy on us all, and only you can call to commute the sentence.