In our household, love flows from me to my wife and from me to my cat. Love also flows from my wife to me and possibly from my cat to me. I’ve drawn up a chart to show how the first part of this process works:
This is all very scientific.
No good can come of this. The cat will drive a wedge between me and my wife, resulting in divorce. I cannot let this happen so early in our marriage. Ten years down the road, sure. By then we’ll definitely hate each other. But the cat is trying to expedite the dissolution of our partnership. I can’t sit by and let this happen.
Dealing with cats is a tricky business. Were I pitted against a human adversary, like Alan Rickman in Die Hard, I’d know exactly what to do.
I’d do exactly what Bruce Willis did in Die Hard. But a cat is not a human, and therefore the usual tricks won’t work.
Wish me luck, dear readers. The future of our household is at stake.