This weekend marked an important passage for my marriage. In 2006, I married Isis (not on the fifth day of May). We were married in a tiny mountain town in Colorado, which, as fate had it, was the very same tiny mountain town Tom Cruise and his blushing finance Katie Holmes had recently purchased a house. Later that year Tom and Katie had their very own shotgun wedding.
This means we are officially a more successful couple than Tom and Katie. I never expected to win any awards for my marriage, but I carry this trophy in my heart for the rest of my days. When things are looking grim and life keeps handing me lemons, I’ll know deep down that I am a better husband than Tom Cruise.
I bear no ill will to either Tom or Katie (or the ghost of L. Ron Hubbard). I wish them only the best in their future endeavors, be that more Mission: Impossible movies or another Michael Chabon adaptation. I just hope that, the next time I run into Katie Holmes, she doesn’t think I stole all her good marriage mojo.