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autobiography Blog

my list for 2013

Not exhaustive, but at least I got the essentials here.

 

What I’d like to see more of in 2013:
Hobbits
My new cat Sophia
Live music
Bill Cosby (coming to Portland in May!)
The neighborhood cat, Max
Double Mountain beer
My friends’ awesome mini comics
Palestine recognized as a sovereign nation
Lifetime movies
Hover cars
Wheat grass? I don’t know I’ve never tried it.
Rashida Jones
Bob’s Burgers
Real burgers that I can eat, on a brioche bun

What I’d like to see less of in 2013:
Guns
The invocation of the 2nd Amendment
Racism, sexism, xenophobia or any type of fear-based hatred
Irony
James Franco
Movies in 3D
My huge ego recognized as a sovereign nation
Cars
Animated movies with famous actors phoning-in their lines
Channing Tatum
Instagram
Signs signs blocking up the scenery breaking my mind

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Blog friday robot

friday robots

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Blog comic book

Tomb of the Zombies IS HERE

The headline does not lie.  This morning I drove to the venerable Portland institution, Brown Printing, and picked up six boxes of the good stuff.
And by “good stuff” I of course mean zombie books:
The order form is up, so please order early and often.
You too can live like the 1% with your very own copy of Tomb of the Zombies:
Who am I, some kind of ad man?
Nah, I only sell books I believe in, like those drawn by me.
Tomb of the Zombies is the funniest story about the living dead since Joyce.
Read it now before it gets made into a major motion picture starring Rashida Jones as Kate and Alan Rickman as Levon the werewolf.

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Blog

monogamy: the movie

Is it possible to be happy with only one woman?  This is the totally legitimate question posed by Monogamy, a film adaptation of many a 20-year-old man’s life.

Theo (Chris Messina) is a wedding photographer who is engaged to Nat (Rashida Jones).  His side job is called Gumshoot – a pretty cool idea, actually.  He gets hired by people to take their portrait during their daily lives.  He’ll stalk them like a private detective, except the client is also the subject.

Well anyway, a fancy lady hires Theo and he becomes infatuated, then obsessed.  Meanwhile Nat, his guitar-playing fiancee, winds up in the hospital with to a staph infection.  Can their relationship survive?

Isis and I sat through this movie wondering if we were supposed to sympathize with a whiny, mopey hipster in Brooklyn who is sad because he has to marry Rashida Jones.  Seriously dude?  Does the fact that you only get to pick one woman – one foxy, talented, loving woman – really kill your buzz?

I would like to think the filmmakers made this as a joke on all the idiotic guys who can’t commit.  The tip-off is Rashida.  Maybe if the only woman Theo could get was ugly and criminally deranged, he’d have a case for keeping an eye out for someone better.  But to cast Rashida, and not make her a psychopath or a racist or something, means this guy doesn’t deserve to be happy.

More interesting and unique would have been the story from Nat’s perspective.  Women are generally depicted in movies as marriage-loving innocents.  What if she struggled with the idea of being faithful?  They’d also have to make Theo a better person, otherwise Nat’s choice would be too easy.

Although I can’t recommend Monogamy based on story, the cinematography is very pretty, and the two leads do the best they can with what they have been given.  One hopes both actors will find projects worthy of their talents.  In the meantime, look out for the Broadway production of Monogamy! The Musical.  With songs by Zombie Cole Porter and set design by Zombie Edward Gorey, Monogamy! The Musical will be a treat for anyone who has had trouble staying faithful to their spouse.

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Blog friday robot

the 3rd anniversary of friday robots

friday-robots-logo-colorFINAL This week marks the third anniversary of Friday Robots.  Three years ago, I began drawing robots to usher in the weekend.  At the time I had no idea whether I’d continue drawing robots weekly.  Since I am, by nature, deadline driven, posting robots every Friday became part of my life.  I haven’t missed a single week since Friday Robots began.

Friday Robots began in my sketchbook before I even had a blog.  I drew these blocky shapes whenever I didn’t know what I wanted to draw.  They all seemed to belong together.  I started calling them robots, even though it was apparent that they had no obvious purpose.  I was like an inventor of completely useless inventions.  I found this hilarious.

Over the course of 155 posts and one YouTube video, Friday Robots have taken on many forms.  It is a fun challenge every week to post something new, different, weird, and frequently baffling.  Sometimes I spend only a few minutes drawing the robots.  Sometimes, like this week, I spend a few hours.

My two partner bloggers, Stabbone and McGraw and West Lawn Park, have generously agreed to post something about the Third Robotiversary, so please check them out.  Together, we form a blogging triumvirate that future internet historians will discuss endlessly.  Today we all celebrate Friday Robots.

Here is the special edition Third Anniversary Friday Robots.  They are based upon my very first Friday Robots.  Celebrate Friday with Robots, and celebrate Robots because it’s Friday.friday-robots-11-6-10

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Blog reviews

i will never watch The Wolfman

wolfman-poster My wife Isis and I were watching television one evening when a commercial advertising the movie The Wolfman came on.  It was moody, and action-packed, and had a dude who turned into a werewolf.

“I’d like to rent that when it comes out on DVD,” I said casually.  I must emphasize the coolness with which I said this, because I was not hungering for The Wolfman.  I was not, in any way, lusting after the delicious, tender celluloid on which The Wolfman had been filmed.  I was merely, in my calm way, mentioning in passing that I’d someday be interested in viewing the movie that appeared so gracefully before us.

Isis’ reaction could not have been more surprising.

“WE ARE NOT GOING TO SEE THAT MOVIE,” she screamed.  “I’m tired of wasting my life watching terrible movies!  No more!  I’ve got better things to do than waste precious hours sitting in front of dreck like that!”

Stunned, I turned to look her directly.  Her face had transformed into something hideous.  Filled with rage, my wife had changed before my eyes.  I quickly checked the sky: nope, it was not a full moon.  What in that minute-long ad had turned my easygoing life partner into a vengeful monster?

I made the mistake of asking her that question.

“I’m just sick of wasting my life!” she said.  And that, it seems, was that.  I dropped the subject as other, less awful things were advertised.

I have not seen The Wolfman to this day.  I kind of wish I could.  What about that particular movie inspired such a violent reaction in Isis?  Was it the subject matter?  A man turns into a werewolf and terrorizes the locals.  She likes the Warren Zevon song Werewolves of London.  She likes dogs and real-life wolves.  I don’t think she has any problem with the actors in The Wolfman, and I know for a fact she likes scary movies.

Maybe the latter is the clue.  Isis likes scary movies, and we’ve seen a lot of them.  But we’ve made missteps.  Some of those movies have been bad.  Boring, or poorly edited, or uninspired, or all of the above.  Maybe Isis sat through her personal limit of bad movies, and if she sees one more, she will turn into a zombie.  We all have our limits.  I can’t eat tuna fish anymore, and I used to eat tuna sandwiches all the time.  Isis is afraid that The Wolfman will be her breaking point.

I’m content to let the issue slide, mostly because The Wolfman wasn’t a huge hit and wasn’t reviewed very well.  I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on a cultural touchstone.

Now, when they make a movie called The Wolfman Breakdances With Rashida Jones and Zooey Deschanel, there’s not going to be a discussion.  We’re seeing that in 3D.lonchaney_jr-wolfman

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Blog reviews

a note to Jeff Gaspin at NBC

parks_and_recSo I hear you’re going to push back the third season of Parks and Recreation until 2011.  This is very disappointing for a variety of reasons.  Parks and Recreation is one of my favorite shows on TV right now (a tie between it and 30 Rock).  I understand you have a lot on your plate right now, what with commissioning a bunch of new shows for 10pm and finding another lanky, witty redhead to replace Jay Leno someday, but please reconsider this one move.  It doesn’t help anybody.

I don’t watch a lot of TV, but the Thursday night lineup of Community, Parks and Rec, The Office, and 30 Rock is just right.  In executive land, when something works you have to fix it.  Why don’t we just pretend the current slate of shows doesn’t work so it can stay the same?

Parks and Recreation is, in its second season, far better than most shows, ever.  With each episode the characters and the town of Pawnee, Indiana expand in natural, interesting directions.  There is not a weak link among the cast.  Ron Swanson has become the Libertarian father I never had.  Rashida Jones is always a favorite.  And of course parks are a resource I hold close to my heart.

It doesn’t matter the reason: bring back Parks and Recreation this fall, not next year.  Do me this favor and I promise to watch your shows on an actual TV set instead of on the computer or DVD.parks and rec

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Blog

birdhead

Self portrait with bird head.self-portrait-bird

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Blog

i’m sick of carrying this band

Yes, I know we all signed on to be a boy band together. I read the contract just like the rest of you guys. I’m totally happy touring with you, and our manager has indeed fulfilled his promises to make us rich and famous beyond belief. What makes me angry is the fact that I’m doing all the work while the rest of you jokers sit around texting your supermodel girlfriends.

How many more nights will I have to spend in the studio, alone, laying down the backup vocals you guys were supposed to provide? How many more lonely mornings will I have to polish the lyrics over cold coffee and stale toast? Love songs don’t write themselves, you know.

It’s gotten to the point where some of our producers think I’m a solo act. They’ve never even seen you guys. Can’t you be bothered to hire a limo and spend a few hours in the studio? I was only supposed to sing lead on 13 of the 15 tracks per album, but I might as well do the last two since you guys are never around.

And don’t even get me started on our music videos. The last one I had to storyboard, choreograph, direct, and edit. All you guys did was mouth the lyrics and demand more Snickers at the snack table.

This boy band was the childhood dream for all of us. When we stood in the 7-11 parking lot drinking Red Bulls, this is what we talked about. Now we’re living the dream and you guys are acting like your work is done. Well, I’ve got a news flash for you: getting there is only the beginning of the work.

A number 1 hit doesn’t just happen. It takes planning, a strong work ethic, and a spark of genius. Do you think Taylor Swift complains that they just added twelve cities to her world tour? No. She’s going to give the citizens of Karlstad the night of their lives.

I’m done trying to coax you. I’ve got to put the finishing touches on this album and design the cover art. I tell you what, though: I’m not letting any of you put your thanks in the liner notes.

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Blog

first 1,000 prime numbers

Just FYI.

      2      3      5      7     11     13     17     19     23     29
31 37 41 43 47 53 59 61 67 71
73 79 83 89 97 101 103 107 109 113
127 131 137 139 149 151 157 163 167 173
179 181 191 193 197 199 211 223 227 229
233 239 241 251 257 263 269 271 277 281
283 293 307 311 313 317 331 337 347 349
353 359 367 373 379 383 389 397 401 409
419 421 431 433 439 443 449 457 461 463
467 479 487 491 499 503 509 521 523 541
547 557 563 569 571 577 587 593 599 601
607 613 617 619 631 641 643 647 653 659
661 673 677 683 691 701 709 719 727 733
739 743 751 757 761 769 773 787 797 809
811 821 823 827 829 839 853 857 859 863
877 881 883 887 907 911 919 929 937 941
947 953 967 971 977 983 991 997 1009 1013
1019 1021 1031 1033 1039 1049 1051 1061 1063 1069
1087 1091 1093 1097 1103 1109 1117 1123 1129 1151
1153 1163 1171 1181 1187 1193 1201 1213 1217 1223
1229 1231 1237 1249 1259 1277 1279 1283 1289 1291
1297 1301 1303 1307 1319 1321 1327 1361 1367 1373
1381 1399 1409 1423 1427 1429 1433 1439 1447 1451
1453 1459 1471 1481 1483 1487 1489 1493 1499 1511
1523 1531 1543 1549 1553 1559 1567 1571 1579 1583
1597 1601 1607 1609 1613 1619 1621 1627 1637 1657
1663 1667 1669 1693 1697 1699 1709 1721 1723 1733
1741 1747 1753 1759 1777 1783 1787 1789 1801 1811
1823 1831 1847 1861 1867 1871 1873 1877 1879 1889
1901 1907 1913 1931 1933 1949 1951 1973 1979 1987
1993 1997 1999 2003 2011 2017 2027 2029 2039 2053
2063 2069 2081 2083 2087 2089 2099 2111 2113 2129
2131 2137 2141 2143 2153 2161 2179 2203 2207 2213
2221 2237 2239 2243 2251 2267 2269 2273 2281 2287
2293 2297 2309 2311 2333 2339 2341 2347 2351 2357
2371 2377 2381 2383 2389 2393 2399 2411 2417 2423
2437 2441 2447 2459 2467 2473 2477 2503 2521 2531
2539 2543 2549 2551 2557 2579 2591 2593 2609 2617
2621 2633 2647 2657 2659 2663 2671 2677 2683 2687
2689 2693 2699 2707 2711 2713 2719 2729 2731 2741
2749 2753 2767 2777 2789 2791 2797 2801 2803 2819
2833 2837 2843 2851 2857 2861 2879 2887 2897 2903
2909 2917 2927 2939 2953 2957 2963 2969 2971 2999
3001 3011 3019 3023 3037 3041 3049 3061 3067 3079
3083 3089 3109 3119 3121 3137 3163 3167 3169 3181
3187 3191 3203 3209 3217 3221 3229 3251 3253 3257
3259 3271 3299 3301 3307 3313 3319 3323 3329 3331
3343 3347 3359 3361 3371 3373 3389 3391 3407 3413
3433 3449 3457 3461 3463 3467 3469 3491 3499 3511
3517 3527 3529 3533 3539 3541 3547 3557 3559 3571
3581 3583 3593 3607 3613 3617 3623 3631 3637 3643
3659 3671 3673 3677 3691 3697 3701 3709 3719 3727
3733 3739 3761 3767 3769 3779 3793 3797 3803 3821
3823 3833 3847 3851 3853 3863 3877 3881 3889 3907
3911 3917 3919 3923 3929 3931 3943 3947 3967 3989
4001 4003 4007 4013 4019 4021 4027 4049 4051 4057
4073 4079 4091 4093 4099 4111 4127 4129 4133 4139
4153 4157 4159 4177 4201 4211 4217 4219 4229 4231
4241 4243 4253 4259 4261 4271 4273 4283 4289 4297
4327 4337 4339 4349 4357 4363 4373 4391 4397 4409
4421 4423 4441 4447 4451 4457 4463 4481 4483 4493
4507 4513 4517 4519 4523 4547 4549 4561 4567 4583
4591 4597 4603 4621 4637 4639 4643 4649 4651 4657
4663 4673 4679 4691 4703 4721 4723 4729 4733 4751
4759 4783 4787 4789 4793 4799 4801 4813 4817 4831
4861 4871 4877 4889 4903 4909 4919 4931 4933 4937
4943 4951 4957 4967 4969 4973 4987 4993 4999 5003
5009 5011 5021 5023 5039 5051 5059 5077 5081 5087
5099 5101 5107 5113 5119 5147 5153 5167 5171 5179
5189 5197 5209 5227 5231 5233 5237 5261 5273 5279
5281 5297 5303 5309 5323 5333 5347 5351 5381 5387
5393 5399 5407 5413 5417 5419 5431 5437 5441 5443
5449 5471 5477 5479 5483 5501 5503 5507 5519 5521
5527 5531 5557 5563 5569 5573 5581 5591 5623 5639
5641 5647 5651 5653 5657 5659 5669 5683 5689 5693
5701 5711 5717 5737 5741 5743 5749 5779 5783 5791
5801 5807 5813 5821 5827 5839 5843 5849 5851 5857
5861 5867 5869 5879 5881 5897 5903 5923 5927 5939
5953 5981 5987 6007 6011 6029 6037 6043 6047 6053
6067 6073 6079 6089 6091 6101 6113 6121 6131 6133
6143 6151 6163 6173 6197 6199 6203 6211 6217 6221
6229 6247 6257 6263 6269 6271 6277 6287 6299 6301
6311 6317 6323 6329 6337 6343 6353 6359 6361 6367
6373 6379 6389 6397 6421 6427 6449 6451 6469 6473
6481 6491 6521 6529 6547 6551 6553 6563 6569 6571
6577 6581 6599 6607 6619 6637 6653 6659 6661 6673
6679 6689 6691 6701 6703 6709 6719 6733 6737 6761
6763 6779 6781 6791 6793 6803 6823 6827 6829 6833
6841 6857 6863 6869 6871 6883 6899 6907 6911 6917
6947 6949 6959 6961 6967 6971 6977 6983 6991 6997
7001 7013 7019 7027 7039 7043 7057 7069 7079 7103
7109 7121 7127 7129 7151 7159 7177 7187 7193 7207
7211 7213 7219 7229 7237 7243 7247 7253 7283 7297
7307 7309 7321 7331 7333 7349 7351 7369 7393 7411
7417 7433 7451 7457 7459 7477 7481 7487 7489 7499
7507 7517 7523 7529 7537 7541 7547 7549 7559 7561
7573 7577 7583 7589 7591 7603 7607 7621 7639 7643
7649 7669 7673 7681 7687 7691 7699 7703 7717 7723
7727 7741 7753 7757 7759 7789 7793 7817 7823 7829
7841 7853 7867 7873 7877 7879 7883 7901 7907 7919

If you want to see more prime numbers, simply click here.