We make promises, large and small, to nearly everyone in our lives. As much as we’d like to keep those promises, we nearly always break them, letting our loved ones down when they need us most. Of all the people I’ve personally let down during my failure of a life, the one I most want to publicly apologize to is not a real person at all. He’s a little robot video game character named Mega Man.
Mega Man, I am sorry. I loved guiding you past all those robot bosses for many years. I can still remember your theme music and the way you opened your mouth when you jumped (just like Michael Jordan!). You gave me happiness at every turn, but I always disappointed you.
You see, dear readers, I got Mega Man killed literally hundreds of times. If we were both cops, I would have been the nincompoop who led the armed drug smugglers right to my partner, Mega Man’s house. Mega Man had all the equipment to defeat the robot bosses as well as the nefarious Dr. Wily. I was the idiot who kept dropping him off a cliff, or getting him shot up by flying robots, or crushing him to death or throwing him on spikes or guiding him into the jaws of a giant robot fish.
The worst part is that I didn’t get Mega Man killed some of the time. I got him killed EVERY SINGLE TIME. With one or two exceptions, like that rare occasion when I beat a Mega Man game, our outings ended in Mega Man’s awful demise.
For that I apologize, Mega Man. I hope you can find it in your tin heart to forgive me someday, but I won’t be surprised if you never do.