Dear Mr. Jordan,
Hi. My name is Josh. I am a cartoonist and a blogger. You have been retired from the NBA for, what, a decade now? Pretty close I think. My point is, I bet I could beat you in a little game of one-on-one.
I challenge you, Mr. Jordan, to a game of basketball, winner take all. You may have been “all that” back in “the day,” but today is a new day, and your ship has sailed.
Looking at promotional material for Hanes and Gatorade, it is clear you have let yourself go since you retired. Your bloated wreck of a body would be no match for me as we squared off on the court. Perhaps you are spending too much time selling underwear and not enough in the gym?
You might think that, as a blogger, I am nothing more than a skinny white kid with mediocre writing skills and a two-inch vert. You’d be wrong! I happen to be in prime physical shape. I ride my bike to work, a grueling 40-minute trek that takes me through two of Portland’s four quadrants (northeast and southeast). I have two silver medals from the Blogger Olympics.* I am practically the Michael Jordan of blogging, which makes our potential match-up all the more enticing.
Better still, I’ve been practicing. Through my connection to Esperanza Spalding, I have been able to get b-ball training from Prince. And everybody knows what an awesome player Prince is.
I challenge you to a game of basketball, but not just any old game: the gentlemen’s game. H-O-R-S-E, or (as it is known in the Midwest) Around the World.
So come on, Mr. Jordan. You, the over-the-hill star versus me, the up-and-comer. Put on your best pair of Nikes and show me your best.
*Making Sh*t Up & Self Aggrandizement