happy new year! from Falling Rock and Dan Bern

One of my favorite songs from one of my favorite musicians, Dan Bern. I like the idea of starting off the year with a fresh start rather than a closet full of murder weapons. I know, I know; you can’t stop the zombie apocalypse without some semi-automatics. But that’s what the military is for! Heck, the only reason I pay my taxes is just in case we need the Marines to halt the advance of the zombie army. In the meantime, though, let’s see if we can be a little less violent this year.

Here’s to 2010!


Well, you can’t stop
on the side of the highway
see if someone
needs help

You can’t pick
a hitchhiker up
He might
have a gun

How could you send your kid
to an American school now?
I could not send my kid
to an American school

Well I can almost see you
having a gun
if you lived out, way out
on the open range

If there was no one
within 30 miles of you
But these days we live next to
and right on top of each other

Well back in 1933
Einstein left Germany
He knew what he was feeling
And he wasn’t feeling safe

I wonder if he felt like his number
could come up any time
I wonder if he felt entered
in some dark lottery

It’s no wonder
we need so many drugs
The mall on the edge of town
has turned into Beirut

I do not like
anyone walking behind me
And I do not want to get stopped
by the cops for anything

I’m talking disarmament

Talking disarmament

See, I do not want my politicians in my bed or in my house or house of God
I don’t care what they believe in
Or what they look like or who their daddy is

And I do not care
who a senator sucks or a president fucks at all
How many ads they got on TV
What they did or did not do in the war

See I’d rather kill the guns
Then have to kill off my emotions
I’m scared to speak my mind, or disagree, or even move
I might get noticed

Man, it’s just no fun anymore
The golden rule has changed
Fire unto others
before others fire unto you

I don’t need no more erection pills
I don’t need a million baldness cures
Hell, these days to die in a car crash
Is practically dignified

What’s the point of going to the health club
building your body, pumping them weights?
If a five-year-old can walk up
and blow you away

Hey governor
What you doing about the guns?
Hey candidate
What you gonna do about the guns?

I don’t really want to die
‘Cause someone’s pissed off at his girlfriend
I don’t want my kid to die
‘Cause someone didn’t make the football team

I don’t care what John Rocker says
The first amendment’s good by me
But the second one’s outdated
Its ashes ought to be burned and scattered

We’re talking disarmament

Talking disarmament

I write this from some highway rest stop
Now I’m gonna go sleep in my van
In America these days
That makes me practically a hero

I don’t care what the top ten movies are
I don’t care who just won a million dollars
I don’t care what you think of abortion
Though I think it’s probably better to eat the egg than kill the chicken

Hey senator
What you gonna do about the guns?
Hey Mrs. President
What you gonna do about the guns?

Hey Batman
What you gonna do about the guns?
Hey Superman
What you gonna do about the guns?

Hey Lone Ranger
You ain’t alone anymore
Too many other rangers
Time to turn in your gun

Hey policeman
Time to turn in your gun
Hey everybody
Time to turn in your gun

England isn’t coming
We ain’t holding off the Huns
If you want to hunt the elk
Check out a gun like you check out your bowling shoes

See, I’ve heard all the arguments
“We need the guns against the government”
But the last time that I checked
The government’s supposed to be us

And if that isn’t true
Let’s have a revolution right now
But if the government is us
Let’s get rid of all the guns

People say it could never happen
Well, that’s what they said about Jim Crow
The day he became president
John Kennedy said “Let us begin”

We need disarmament

Talking disarmament

I used to live next to a nursery school
Those kids screamed all day, every day
I often dreamed about killing them
I’m glad I didn’t have a gun

Blog reviews


As a man of the arts, I am in a unique position to comment on beauty. A sly turn of phrase, a flash of color in a drab landscape, a satisfying composition…all these things are beautiful. But how can someone who is not well versed in beauty find it in the everyday world? Below is a primer of a few beautiful things. Hopefully it will guide you to living a life with more beauty in it. If it doesn’t, you must be a jerk.

Rock-afire Explosion plays an Usher song
My friend Ian pointed me to this one. One of the few Youtube videos I’ve watched more than once.

O.A.R., “That Was a Crazy Game of Poker
Clocking in at nearly 9 minutes, this epic song is satisfying in ways you cannot imagine. It’s pretty straightforward story, where the narrator recounts a poker game and (presumably) his own descent into drunkeness over the course of an evening. Emotions portrayed: wanting a “honey bunny” and also wanting to start a revolution. Now that sounds like a good night out.

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin.
Why didn’t the Republican Party just pick Tina Fey in the first place? Oh yeah – she actually has a brain.

Pablo Picasso, Guernica
While the painting is a unanimously declared masterpiece, I’m thinking of a book written about the painting. Some guy in California wrote a slim volume about the hidden images in Guernica. The art library where I worked bought said book. End of story, right? Wrong! Because, even though the book was already bound, the guy was apparently not done writing it. Every few months, for years, he’d send us supplemental packets for his book. These packets – typewritten, photocopied “Addendums,” grew more and more baffling. By the time I left the library, the supplements were taking up as much shelf space as the book itself. It was as though the publisher had wrested the manuscript from his hands and published it before he finished. I guess once you start seeing things in Guernica, you can’t stop.

Jason Voorhees punches that dude’s head off and the dude’s head lands in a dumpster, Jason Takes Manhattan.
Really, they should have used this device for every Friday the 13th movie. They could still be making movies where Jason punches off some dude’s head. Even in romantic comedies.

The Beatles “Love” mash-up album.
I could listen to this all day. Heck, I have done that. Who knew you could make The Beatles even better? George Martin and his son Giles, that’s who.

Dan Bern, “The 5th Beatle
Dan Bern is a great songwriter, very satirical and clever. (Hint: satire and cleverness go well together.) This song in particular makes me smile every time it comes up on my ipod.

Fall foliage
It hasn’t arrived here yet, but it’s coming. I can feel it.

They sue people for listening to music! Haha! What a great association.