this is NOT a blog post

A few months ago, Field Notes sent out blue exam notebooks along with an assignment. Submit an essay about a notable event in high school. I wrote the following essay about an event in my senior year Astronomy class. Since the grading is now complete (I did not win the contest) I thought I would share my work with you, dear readers.

My astronomy teacher had an air of grumpiness that I found appealing. As a high school senior, I appreciated the lack of false pep I saw in more than a few adults. My phoniness radar was dialed in. The fact that my astronomy teacher didn’t care about putting on a happy face for his students made me appreciate him. He was there to do a job, and he did that well.


In his classroom there were two doors, but we only used one. The back door was locked, and to make it even more clear for us dimwits, my teacher taped a sign on it that read “THIS IS NOT A DOOR.” (Emphasis his.) Me and my friend Mike found this endlessly amusing. At the end of class, we’d head for the back door, read the sign aloud in mock surprise, then turn and use the front door along with the rest of the class.


One day my teacher was out sick and we got one of those substitutes who sits at his desk reading a paperback for an hour. A free period! As long as we didn’t burn the place down, the place was ours. Mike and I decided to be productive. We made signs, dozens of them.







We taped them to the appropriate places. For “THIS IS NOT A CEILING” we taped the paper to the ceiling. “THIS IS NOT AN ASTRONAUT” was taped to a poster of an astronaut. It was actually the only true statement we made, since it wasn’t an astronaut but a photograph of one.


By the end of the period Mike and I had labeled most of the room. We took a moment to enjoy our handiwork then went to our next classes. During the day, I wondered if the signs would stay up long enough for my teacher to see them the next day.


Mike and I nearly burst into the classroom the next day. It was the most excited I’d been to begin a class, possibly in all my years of high school. We were disappointed to see that all our signs were gone. My teacher made not a mention of them, which led me to believe either students or some poor janitor had removed them.


My girlfriend had astronomy class later in the day. She told me later that my teacher had entered the classroom early that morning to find our signs everywhere. He said it was him, alone in a classroom, removing signs from everything and laughing hysterically the whole time.

Blog friday robot

friday robots

My recap of the ultra-amazing 3rd Annual Tucson ComicCon is in the works.  Needless to say, Tucson in November is beautiful; it was also great to spend some quality time with my parents.  I consider Tucson my Fortress of Solitude; it’s a great place to crank all my cartoonist powers back up to 11.

Which brings us to this week’s Friday Robots.  Though drawn in black & white, these robots encompass nothing less than the entire cosmos.friday-robots-11-12-10
Up top you see the celestial dome.  The ground we stand on is represented by a prehistoric stone circle.  Below, you can see the layers of earth until you get to the very core of our planet, which is a swirling enigma.  The crazy part of this is: it’s all robots.  Yes, dear readers, robots not only live around us and among us, but robots are in fact everything.  I see I’ve blown your mind.  Have a great weekend.


friday robots

Tucson has some of the best star viewing of any city in the country.  This is partly due to light pollution restrictions enacted to aid scientists at nearby Kitt Peak Observatory.  If you’re ever in Tucson, a trip up the mountain to Kitt Peak is well worth your time.  Make sure to check out their badly neglected basketball court.  Not a lot of nighttime pick-up games are happening there.  What is happening, though, is some awesome universe viewing.  Their telescopes are more than adequate for solar system research, and the solar telescope is a sight to behold (they’ve rigged it so they can view the sun all day long without having to constantly make adjustments).  If there’s anything fishy going on with ol’ Sol, Kitt Peak will be the first group to know.

All this talk about astronomy got me thinking about a robot constellation which I call “The Four Brothers.”  They look peaceful in this depiction, but that just means they’re up to no good.friday-robots-9-17-10

Have a happy Friday everybody, and keep your eyes skyward.

Blog fiction

Planet X is for Lovers

xIn yesterday’s post I put forward the opinion that the moons of Jupiter and Saturn are more important for exploration than our Moon and Mars. Today I’d like to amend that statement.

Planet X is the greatest threat to our lifestyle since the liberal media invented the printing press. We need to send troops there immediately before Planet X’s population shoots lasers at our biggest cities.

Imagine the horror of the Eiffel Tower being knocked down like a child’s toy. Or the Empire State Building being ripped from its foundations and tossed carelessly into the Atlantic. Cringe at the thought of the Hollywood sign being torn up and scattered across the Los Angeles Metro Area. What would we do if these landmarks were destroyed?

Destroying Planet X must be NASA’s first priority. It would be a crime against humanity to let this ultimate evil reside in our Solar System a day longer.