What cartoonist hasn’t thought about who should play their characters on the big screen? Movies, or films, or “moving filmed pictures,” have long held a fascination with me. Sigmund Freud said that movies fulfill our subconscious desire to sleep with Thomas Edison. Whether that is true or not, I remain an avid movie-watcher.
So who should play each character in the inevitable Welcome to Falling Rock National Park movie? Here are my suggestions.
Ranger Dee – Zooey Deschanel
Everybody’s favorite park ranger is sometimes called* the heart of the comic. Who better to play the emotional center of Falling Rock: The Movie than the girl who stole M. Ward’s heart?Carver – Jason Schwartzman
Carver the cranky owl needs a wry voice tinged with world-weariness. Rushmore introduced us to a young Jason Schwartzman as a world-weary high school student. Fantastic Mr. Fox proved he has the chops for voice work, and Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World proved he can play a great antagonist.Ernesto – Tony Hale
Who better to play the lovable clothes-wearing lizard than the actor who partly inspired him? Tony Hale is better known to the world as Buster Bluth on the short-lived TV show Arrested Development. I’m not actually sure why that show got canceled because everyone I know has seen it. Timid, somewhat stunted, yet with the potential for catastrophe, Buster Bluth could easily pass as Ernesto’s human cousin.Pam –who else? – Lauren Bacall
Pam, the chain-smoking retired schoolteacher, can’t be played by just any dame. Pam needs to be played by a wiseacre, a mystery, a worldly woman. I can’t think of anyone better than the living embodiment of noir: Ms. Bacall.Melissa – Ani DiFranco
Melissa the mountain lion was a difficult character to cast. At first I thought Nicole Kidman. Then my thoughts turned to singers. Norah Jones? Cat Power? I heard Ani DiFranco interviewed on the Sound Opinions podcast and realized her voice would be perfect for the mellow but fierce cat.
Featuring a theme song written and performed by Bob Dylan, Jack Johnson, and Jeff Tweedy (under the name Wilbury & Sons), Falling Rock: The Movie will surely rake in Tom-Cruise-in-the-early-90’s money. Oh, and it will definitely be in 3D.
*only by me