Blog fiction

michael kors has got to go

michaelkors_05   Every weekend my lovely wife Isis and I sit down to watch Project Runway. We make our own decisions as to who made the best and worst design that week. Well, Isis critiques; I provide “color commentary” a la Fred Willard’s character in Best in Show. Non sequiturs, inappropriate jokes, completely bogus questions. Really, it’s amazing my wife puts up with me.

Anyway, the one thing we’ve both come to agree upon is that Michael Kors has got to go. Unlike Tim Gunn, who makes positive suggestions to the contestants, and Nina Garcia, who at least attempts to highlight both positive and negative aspects of each design, Kors acts as the resident curmudgeon, doling out insults with the verve of a man who is belatedly lashing out at his high school tormentors.

The question is, who can replace Michael Kors? Who can possibly replace the great Michael Kors? We at Falling Rock have compiled a list of names for the producers of Project Runway to consider.

Bruce Springsteen.brucespringsteenbandana
Seen here in 1986, “The Boss” obviously knows fashion. He lives fashion every day of his awesome, awesome life. He’ll give bonus points to designers who include, in their descriptions of their pieces, the phrase “this dress will allow the wearer to bust out of this nowhere town, go down that hard road, and find the light.” Right on.

Mickey Rourke.mickey-rourke_06
Rourke, in The Wrestler, bought his college-age daughter a bright green windbreaker with a “S” on the front. (Her name was Stephanie.) This alone puts him in the top echelons of fashion.

Sambora the cat.sambora-toaster-water-heater
Though our cat has never worn a stitch of clothing in her life, Sambora has a highly developed fashion sense. If by “fashion sense” you mean “thick coat of fur.” She did design a successful line of ripped-leg pants, of which me and my wife are the sole owners. She is not declawed.

So there you go, Project Runway. Take this blogger’s suggestions and run with them. I can’t speak for Mssrs Springsteen and Rourke, but Sambora’s schedule is wide open. You would, however, have to work around the 23 hours per day that she is asleep.

3 replies on “michael kors has got to go”

What about the guy from the front row in history of medieval Scotland class? He'd take copious notes for sure. And he'd have a lot to say about old sweaters in various shades of deep blue.

What about Kid Shay, Shaft and McBone being the panel?

Right after we infiltrate a tea party.


Both good ideas.

I'm positive that sweater guy went on to a career in fashion.

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