hey robert zemeckis,

why don’t you make good movies anymore?

Robert Zemeckis made Back to the Future. Who could forget, right? He also made Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Then, sadly, Robert was murdered by a cyborg. That cyborg now calls himself “Robert Zemeckis” and makes movies. Not good movies. No, if the cyborg made good movies it might all be worth it. Cyborg Zemeckis makes terrible, crappy movies that feature computer animated characters who look like they stepped right out of Madame Tussauds’ wax museum.

You remember Tom Hanks. Happy-go-lucky, daffy Tom Hanks. Well, if you love Tom Hanks, you’ll just love this creepy simulacra in the bastardization of the beloved children’s book The Polar Express:  2004_the_polar_express_002
Cyborg Zemeckis doesn’t like real people because he himself is not a person. He cannot understand why you’d willingly go to a theater and watch actors perform a story in front of your eyes. Cyborg Zemeckis thinks you’ll like these guys a lot better:BEOWULF
I’ve never seen a once-beloved director sabotage himself so spectacularly. (Well, maybe one other time.) This is why I must believe there is a Cyborg Zemeckis, churning out movies and sullying the Zemeckis name.

The point I’m getting to is this bit of news: Cyborg Zemeckis is planning on remaking The Beatles’ animated movie Yellow Submarine.yellow+submarine_28Using the same computer technology that made Angelina Jolie look unattractive for once in her life, Cyborg Zemeckis will crush The Beatles’ spirit under its mighty claw.

The Beatles themselves had little to do with the original Yellow Submarine, so I don’t exactly feel betrayed by this turn of events. It isn’t as if Cyborg Zemeckis is recording his own guitar solo for Let it Be then destroying George’s original one. Heck, the remaining Beatles feel so indifferently about Yellow Submarine that they can’t even be bothered to keep the DVD in print.

Zemeckis is taking a weird, independent little film made in the ’60’s and turning it into a bland, corporate commercial for his own production company today. It doesn’t make me angry, just a little sad.


Discussion (3)¬

  1. Nate and Jeff Bowler, Co-Captains says:

    When the movie adaptation of the wine book comes out, Zemeckis isn't getting anywhere near it.

    nwb

  2. Kid Shay says:

    He'd just screw it up!

  3. Nate and Jeff Bowler, Co-Captains says:

    Oooh, good pun!

Comment¬