1) People in the future will be so starved for milk, they’ll drink it even if it has spoiled. After all, what’s a trip to the hospital if you can enjoy the forgotten fruit of the 20th Century?
I wonder if the Norwegian Nobel Institute has been trying to send a political message to the United States recently, with the honor going to Jimmy Carter three years ago and now Al Gore. Perhaps they are trying to position themselves as a replacement for our outdated electoral college. Looking down the list of previous years’ winners, they make a strong case for themselves.
Wouldn’t it be great if the major issue in a presidential election was the candidate’s dedication to peace?
It’s happened to us all a thousand times. You’re at the grocery store, picking out a delicious, ripe peach, when you see a man in a white lab coat diligently taking notes on his clipboard. This man is a Mad Scientist. Or is he?
After the Nixon/Ford Combo, America was ready for competence. What it got was possibly the greatest president of all time, in any country, ever. Who is this Dark Horse of which I speak? Why, Jimmy Carter, of course; our 39th President.
Jimmy Carter rode into the office of President on a wave of “Don’t mess this up.” A lesser man would have been content to sign the bills, make the photo-ops, and slide into placeholder status between better-known presidents. An even lesser man than that would have gotten us into an unnecessary war, drove the debt to new heights, undercut education and the environment, and polarized a nation. Jimmy Carter was neither of those hypothetical men.
Jimmy Carter: born again Christian, environmentalist, human rights advocate, farmer, moral compass. He raised the fuel efficiency standards to levels not seen before or since. He mediated talks geared toward Mideast peace. He had a wonderful smile. His wife, June Carter Cash, hailed from a family of musicians and carried on that tradition.
Okay, so he wasn’t married to June. But his real wife Rosalynn, so I am told, was the model of tastefulness and tact.
In this age of doubt and fear, we need the man who turned our nation around at a time of crisis. We need Jimmy Carter to claim his untapped second term. And with trusty sidekick Barack Obama as VP, how can he miss?
My proposal, dear readers, is simple. Carter/Obama 08. The campaign will focus on leading American into 12 years of progressive politics. The slogan will be “JC 2: The Resurrection” (how’s that for catering to the religious right?) The theme song is still undecided, but I’m thinking Springsteen (not Born in the U.S.A. Two Hearts, maybe?).
Mr. Carter or Mr. Obama have not endorsed this message. Yet.
– My real teeth have all been removed; I have a set of wooden teeth.
As I left the house this morning my cat stared at me, as she so often does. And seeing her sitting in the dark, her eyes glowing from the light in the hallway outside our apartment, a question overcame me. How cool would it be to have glowing eyes? Not just glowing eyes, but great night vision as well. I think that would be very cool.
But then I thought, what about talons instead of feet? I could have giant eagle-like talons, good for gripping. Also, I wouldn’t have to wear shoes.
Finally my sensible side kicked in. –You can’t have both, said my sensible side. –You’d only get to pick one or the other.
That would be a tough decision to make. Talons or glowing eyes? I think that glowing eyes would be my choice. It would be scarier, because in normal daylight nobody would know about them. I’m also not sure how well I could run with talons. Trail running would definitely be easier, but road running? I’m not convinced it would be better. And what if the talons began gripping things uncontrollably? I’d tear up the couch, probably. Friends wouldn’t invite me over. My social life would be over. So, glowing eyes it is.
Now I just need to figure out who to submit my proposal to, so I can be fitted for some glowing cat eyes.