benefits of green tea

Green tea is a magical elixir imbued with nearly infinite health-giving abilities.  But how do you unlock these mythical medicines?  Exactly how much green tea do you have to drink to win the health lottery?  Below is a handy chart that will tell you, the green tea drinker, how many cups you need to drink in a day to remedy the disease listed.


Headache: 1
Atheism: 4
Loss of job: 8 12
Distemper: 23
Gout: 126
Allergies: 47
Out of tea: 1
Loss of hearing: 54
Loss of car keys: 98
Man problems: 76 (if the drinker is female), 465 (if drinker is male)
Depression due to running out of Mad Men episodes to watch: 654
Chased by Boogeyman: 300
Chased by Dick Cheney: 14,000
Indigestion: 11
Bad spirits: 7
Hangover: 5
Cable news: 87
Existential crisis: 589
Keep forgetting the endings of movies you’ve seen: 45
Not famous enough: 4,865
Too famous: 5,821
Blogging: 6,738 12,000,000 45,000,000
Life (non com): 1

3 replies on “benefits of green tea”

Could you give me a couple dosages for the following situations:

1. 9 pound caucasian male requires 17 wakings last night due to being sleepy enough to let binky fall from mouth but not sleepy enough to maintain sleep state without binky.

2. Quarterback has diabetes and attitude problem.

3. Weight loss without eating well.

Also, do you get a synergistic effect from drinking the green tea out of a Garfield mug?

McB: 145 per day, 234 if you want your kid to be the next Jim Carrey.

1. Intravenous tea throughout the day.
2. Tea goes great with football. 12 cups/game. More if you're actually in the game.
3. 438 per day
4. No.

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