Lately this blogger has been feeling left out. My two partner bloggers, West Lawn Park and Stabbone & McGraw, are busy filling the world with baby liberals. West Lawn Park is midway through his epic Year of Shaft & Son. Stabbone & McGraw’s unborn child has already made two viral videos on youtube. Meanwhile, Falling Rock National Park remains a barren wasteland of unused potential.
In a desperate attempt to “keep up with the Joneses” and, incidentally, increase this blog’s readership, I hereby announce our adoption of a gorilla who speaks in sign language:
Bak-Bak, as she was known around the rescue center, is a 14-year-old gorilla. She was born in The People’s Democratic Peaceful Republic of the Congo, where she lived for the first three years of her life. Those were idyllic times, those were. Scampering through the undergrowth, playing with her older brother Tim (now deceased).
All that changed for Bak-Bak when poachers nabbed her and took her to what is known as The Gorilla Factory. Bak-Bak endured horrible treatment at The Factory; it is amazing that she was not killed. She managed to escape to a nearby town, where the people immediately recognized the sign for “gorilla in distress” and called the authorities.
Bak-Bak spent nearly eight months at the rescue center before Isis and I came to adopt her. Usually couples want to adopt baby gorillas, but Isis has a soft spot for grizzled old animals. Bak-Bak took to us as though we were always a part of her tribe.
Back in Portland, Bak-Bak continues to settle into her new American life with grace. She does her share of the chores and is able to purchase groceries at the store with the employee who knows how to speak sign language.
Bak-Bak is our beautiful little miracle. Falling Rock National Park will henceforth become baby-centric and therefore popular. Who knows? I might even get a TV deal out of this.