Archive for March, 2010

michael kors has got to go

michaelkors_05   Every weekend my lovely wife Isis and I sit down to watch Project Runway. We make our own decisions as to who made the best and worst design that week. Well, Isis critiques; I provide “color commentary” a la Fred Willard’s character in Best in Show. Non sequiturs, inappropriate jokes, completely bogus questions. Really, it’s amazing my wife puts up with me.

Anyway, the one thing we’ve both come to agree upon is that Michael Kors has got to go. Unlike Tim Gunn, who makes positive suggestions to the contestants, and Nina Garcia, who at least attempts to highlight both positive and negative aspects of each design, Kors acts as the resident curmudgeon, doling out insults with the verve of a man who is belatedly lashing out at his high school tormentors.

The question is, who can replace Michael Kors? Who can possibly replace the great Michael Kors? We at Falling Rock have compiled a list of names for the producers of Project Runway to consider.

Bruce Springsteen.brucespringsteenbandana
Seen here in 1986, “The Boss” obviously knows fashion. He lives fashion every day of his awesome, awesome life. He’ll give bonus points to designers who include, in their descriptions of their pieces, the phrase “this dress will allow the wearer to bust out of this nowhere town, go down that hard road, and find the light.” Right on.

Mickey Rourke.mickey-rourke_06
Rourke, in The Wrestler, bought his college-age daughter a bright green windbreaker with a “S” on the front. (Her name was Stephanie.) This alone puts him in the top echelons of fashion.

Sambora the cat.sambora-toaster-water-heater
Though our cat has never worn a stitch of clothing in her life, Sambora has a highly developed fashion sense. If by “fashion sense” you mean “thick coat of fur.” She did design a successful line of ripped-leg pants, of which me and my wife are the sole owners. She is not declawed.

So there you go, Project Runway. Take this blogger’s suggestions and run with them. I can’t speak for Mssrs Springsteen and Rourke, but Sambora’s schedule is wide open. You would, however, have to work around the 23 hours per day that she is asleep.

a good year for animation

coraline-theater2009 was an especially good year for animated movies. Live-action movies, about normal. A few good ones, mostly crap. But the cartoons really knocked it out of the park.

The four Animated Features up for the Academy Award this Sunday are: Coraline, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Princess and the Frog, The Secret of Kells, and Up. Up is also nominated for Best Picture.

Coraline (made right here in Portland, Oregon) opened in February. Coraline has my vote for best animated feature. Its use of stop-motion filming is by far the best I’ve seen, ever. If Wallace and Gromit made stop-motion a viable art form again (and don’t forget their latest adventure is up for Best Animated Short Film), and Nightmare Before Christmas made it viable for feature-length films, then Coraline is the end result of this new resurgence. Every set is beautiful, every character full of life. Add to this the fact that they filmed it in 3D, allowing you to see the sets in all their glory, and you’ve got a true masterpiece. Coraline is a work of art, and fun to watch.

I also loved Fantastic Mr. Fox. Filmed with stop-motion animation, Wes Anderson made what may be his best movie yet. Here’s one good example (the first?) of using famous actors for voice work. George Clooney and Meryl Streep put in fine performances as Mr. and Mrs. Fox, and Jason Schwartzman really shines as Ash, the Fox’s under-appreciated son. But Wes Anderson is no animator. He basically had a good idea and got very talented people to put it together for him. And though I truly enjoyed the animation, it wasn’t groundbreaking.

I haven’t seen The Princess and the Frog or Secret of Kells. What I will say is, I’m glad none of the crap Dreamworks routinely tosses into theaters made it into this award category. I don’t know of an animation company that hates children as much as Dreamworks. Their cartoons are an affront to everything that is good in this country. They even make me question the good name of Steven Spielberg. Why would he be associated with this smut?

Finally, Up. Up should not win Best Animated Feature. Up should win Best Picture, for which it is also nominated. Nowhere else on the cinematic landscape of 2009 will you find such interesting characters or engrossing plot. A completely perfect viewing experience. Up defines what makes movies great. Like Wall-E in 2008, Up shows everybody that cartoons can tell a story better than live-action. I’m just going to put this out there: cartoons are cool.

friday robots: sunset seaside

I’ve been working on painting this sunset I saw in Arizona, but when I scanned it in for Friday Robots I ended up making it look more like the ocean. I still like it, though.friday-robots-3-5-10

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The Falling Rock Iron Man Workout

atlasLast week our partner blogger McBone outlined a miracle diet that would guarantee a physique rivaling that of a Greek God.

Countless scientific studies have proven that eating the right food can make you healthy, and even keep you alive. But scientists also know that food alone cannot make you fit.

Are you sick of being so rail thin that girls see right through you to better-looking men? Or so chubby that children mistake you for an inflated beach ball or a ripe peach? Don’t let your insecurities hold you back any longer!

Falling Rock presents the Military Preparedness Exercise Regime (FRMPER for short). You don’t actually have to enlist in the marines when you’re done with this regime, but you could.

It’s so simple, even a moron could follow these directions!

When you wake up, do thirty squats before leaving the bed. Change into comfortable clothing. It’s important to dress appropriately for exercise.

Now do a quick 2.4 mile swim in the ocean, a refreshing 112 mile bike ride, and finish off your set with a 26.2 mile run. You’ll feel like Robert Downey Jr. in that movie nobody can remember the name of.

Every day you’ll feel yourself getting stronger, with all the extra confidence that goes along with it. Falling Rock guarantees you’ll be a muscled man-wich by the end of the month. Girls will be flocking to you (or boys, if you swing that way). You’ll never get picked last for the softball team, that’s for sure!

Get on the FRMPER and get into shape!*

*Starting a new exercise routine can cause unwanted health effects such as heart attack, stroke, high blood pressure, tinnitus, blood in stool, hypothermia, hallucinations, and even death. Consult your doctor before starting a new routine.

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