Archive for October 7th, 2009



Robert Zemeckis, I still hate you

Evidently you’ve ignored my last post on this subject.

First you pooped all over The Polar Express. Then you remade Beowulf into something lifeless and vile. Now you’re going to take down Charles Dickens? Seriously, who was sitting around thinking, “A Christmas Carol has been made into a movie about a half dozen times. What the world needs is one more version, but with a computer simulacra of Jim Carrey playing all the characters.” Apparently that person was you, Robert Zemeckis.

In the preview I saw while waiting patiently for The Invention of Lying to begin (a movie that succeeds despite being chock full of real people), you and Jim Carrey posit that this version of A Christmas Carol is likely to be the most faithful to the book. Really, Robert Zemeckis? I don’t remember reading that part in the prologue when Dickens writes, “…and for this to be made into a movie we will need to wait for machines to reproduce the work of human beings, albeit not in a better way, but in a way that makes the viewer feel slightly uneasy for the duration of the story.”

I always thought Dickens wrote about how machines made life worse for people. You know, the whole Industrial Revolution thing and all.

You’re going to continue doing your thing, Robert Zemeckis. I can see that now. There will be no more good movies coming from you. I’ll have to make my peace with that. But do me one favor: when you remake Seven Samurai, please don’t use Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker.