Categories
Blog

vital stats

The following statistics were compiled as part of the Worldwide Blogging Census. What follows is for International Blogging Commission use only.

Age: 29

Glasses: Yes

Braces: 5 years

Cavities: 0

Broken Bones: 2

Vegetarian: Yes, except for veal and sea turtle meat

Blogging nemesis: Unknown

Comics drawn to date: 1518

Beat Super Mario Bros. at age: 10

Beat Super Mario Bros. 2 at age: 19

Animals brought back from extinction: Moa, Velociraptor

Foreign language fluency: Kryptonian, Irish

Batman or Superman: Batman

Nerdiness quotient: 89

High school popularity rating: 13%

Total girlfriends: 8

Imaginary girlfriends: 8

Crushes: 42

Wives: 1

Number of people likely to attend funeral: 409

Number of celebrities at funeral: 12

Friends: 2,987

Facebook friends: 2,980

Half court basketball shots made: 0

Framed for murder: 1

Shot a man in Reno: 1

Tattoos: 0

Tattoos designed for others: 1

Lifetime average hourly salary: $5.15

Percent chances of dying from brain tumor due to cell phone use: 74%

Most likely cause of death: ennui

Awards or Honors: Voted “King Tuna” at the Gilbert, Arizona Tuna Fish Festival (1996), 3rd Place in National Stock Market Game (7th grade), Got Out of Physical Education For Half a Year (7th grade)

Categories
Falling Rock

Fallingrock

Categories
Blog comic

sequential art

There are some sequences in comic strips that are really appealing out of the context of the joke. You can enjoy them on their own without the anticipation of the inevitable fourth panel.

Lio, by Mark Tatulli
Calvin and Hobbes, by Bill Watterson
Cul de Sac, by Richard Thompson

…and one of my own.

Categories
Blog friday robot

friday robots

Do these robots look like they’re going to brainwash you? Because they’re totally not. These are the good guys, folks.friday-robots-8-28-9

They are, however, off to do battle with evil brainwashing robots. It’s a tough job being a Friday Robot, but these guys are up to the task.

Categories
Falling Rock

Welcome to Falling Rock National Park

Categories
Falling Rock

Welcome to Falling Rock National Park

Categories
Falling Rock

Welcome to Falling Rock National Park

Categories
autobiography Blog reviews

book report: diary of a wimpy kid

rodrickThese days its easier than ever to embrace your inner nerd. It’s almost as if nerds are cool. Witness this startling event that occurred on Conan O’Brien not long ago.

Can you read lips? Perhaps you didn’t catch what Eva Mendez said to Fogell from Superbad. Well, that’s okay because he tells us. And what self-respecting nerd wouldn’t share the information that Eva Mendez loves him?

If a young Marlon Brando wanted to break into the movie business today, he’d be in either Knocked Up or Iron Man.brando-young seth-rogan

Back in my day, nerds were treated with indifference at best, scorn and mockery at worst. That is why it is refreshing to come across a book that doesn’t set out to make a nerd’s life look cool, a book that shows how nerds actually experience the world around them. Jeff Kinney’s Diary of a Wimpy Kid tells the truth, and the truth ain’t pretty. Consider this my book report on the second (and, in this blogger’s opinion, superior) book in the series: Rodrick Rules.

Every kid learns how to write a book report the quick & dirty way. After all, there are only so many hours in the day and most of those need to be spent playing PS3. Greg Heffley found a way to milk a single book for most of his middle school years.wimpy-kid-sherlock1
Greg understands that you’re writing a book report for an audience (namely, the teacher).wimpy-kid-sherlock2
How is Kinney able to embed himself into the nerd psyche?

Witness this entry, when Greg considers restarting his comic strip idea:wimpy-kid-comic
The key concept here is that Greg’s friend, Rowley, quit drawing his comic strip to spend more time playing with his Dinoblazer action figures. He stopped one incredibly nerdy activity so he could engage in an even nerdier one! In the bizarro world we now inhabit, Eva Mendez should be all over this guy.

What made this book for me was the description of Greg’s summer swim team. As a middle/high school swimmer, I sympathized with Greg’s antipathy towards some of the trappings of the sport.wimpy-kid-swim1
Football players get helmets, shoulder and knee pads, spiked shoes. Everything and anything to make them look bigger and more powerful. Swimmers get a quarter-inch piece of stretchy fabric.

Ever the vigilant blogger, Greg minces no words when it comes to critiquing not only swimming but his place in it.
It’s high time for nerds to be exposed as the, well, nerds that we are. Sure we’re proud. We raise our fists in the air, clutching our asthma inhalers. We hold our heads high, to prevent the inevitable bloody nose. We march toward a brighter future, when time travel will be possible. And we sing together, humming the tune to the Nintendo classic Super Mario Bros.

Greg Heffley is a nerd not just for today, but for all time. Now I must be going; I have to meticulously catalog all the differences between the stereo and mono versions of Sgt. Pepper.

Categories
Falling Rock

Welcome to Falling Rock National Park

Categories
autobiography Blog

blackula

He’s the Blackulest!black-dracula

I see this sticker almost every day and it always makes me laugh.