Archive for October 22nd, 2007



Collectable

I doubt many people in the 1950’s would have thought that the disposable comic book read by a child would become worth hundreds of thousands of dollars today. Of course, had many comic books survived, they wouldn’t be nearly as valuable. What will be collectable in the future? I look around and see plenty of disposable products. Which one will make me rich if, instead of throwing it out, I save it in plastic wrap for 50 years?

I’m betting on milk. Milk, that ubiquitous dairy product you pour on your cereal or drink with Hershey’s brand chocolate syrup. I predict in the future that there will be no more cows, or at least milk-producing cows. Milk will be a thing of the past, a relic to be coveted like a good wine vintage or the original Nintendo system. Therefore, I will begin collecting as much milk as I possibly can in the hopes of selling it one day at a Christie’s or Sotheby’s auction. Milk will buy my future house. It will fund my taste for rare tortoise meat and walrus tusk jewelry. It will be my retirement fund.

I’m sure you’re wondering how I will keep the milk fresh for many years. I have a two-pronged approach.
1) People in the future will be so starved for milk, they’ll drink it even if it has spoiled. After all, what’s a trip to the hospital if you can enjoy the forgotten fruit of the 20th Century?
2) Currently cryogenics firms freeze dead people in the hopes of reviving them in the future. I plan on putting a few cows in there. I’m sure it will cost less to cryogenically freeze a cow than a human, and the rewards of reviving a milk-giving bovine in a future devoid of that liquid goodness will far outweigh the costs today.

I only let you, my dear friends, in on this unique business opportunity. Please do not tell your friends about it. We cannot have everyone saving milk, or my plan will fail. Do not worry; your loyalty will be rewarded.